Saturday, August 16, 2014

Fantasy vs. Reality { Video }

I definitely could have articulated this better, but I feel if I attempted to re-do this video now, it would come out a little more aggressive than I would like. I don't want to be frustrated or angry with anyone, not even the people who lead me to make this. The emotions and events behind this could easily lead into another rant similar to my poem, Black Panther, and I really don't want to go there again. No one listens, no one cares, and most people take it too personally. I guess some of them should, but I'm straying from the point.

The point of this video is to bring attention to the fact that people take the internet way too literally. Not only that, but they also tend to view every person they see online as something they can possess in some way. The way people have approached me on Facebook over these last several months has been nothing short of astonishing. They feel entitled to know about my personal life, and many have even attacked me for choosing not to post my marital status and location publicly. They behave as though they have some right over me because I am female, and they are male. They have the audacity to think I'm only online because I'm looking for a relationship. I am not on a dating site, yet whenever certain men come across my pages - which are nothing but classy and NEVER hint at any sort of availability or sexuality - they tend to develop this fantasy that I will want to be romantically involved with them, for no other reason than the fact that I'm female. These people desperately need to separate the fantasies in their heads from reality.

I've had people think I'm this image of perfection, just because I post artistic photographs of myself. I have crooked teeth and mild acne scarring. I am NOT perfect, but why would anyone want to post pictures of themselves crawling out of bed? It isn't needed, yet when you don't do that, people tend to develop a completely false idea of you. Not even a Victoria's Secret model looks "perfect" when she's tired, absent of makeup, and rolling out of bed. Yet if a woman makes the choice to not post unflattering images of herself, people will either falsely assume she's perfect, or call her "fake". To me, looking like utter shit isn't artistic, and I'm on the internet to post art. My real life is private to all who are not actually in my real life, yet people refuse to stop turning my artistic presence into something that could potentially benefit them in ways I am obviously never going to provide. That, is a fantasy.

I decided to delete almost all of the photos of myself. Not because I no longer find them artistic or true to the vision I had, but because they brought forth nothing but a bunch of delusional men who saw me as some kind of sex puppet they could somehow possess. Even though NONE of my images were sexual in the slightest, I am still seen as an object. I am first and foremost a writer and an artist. So, I'm not going to continue feeding into the delusions of people who have no real reason to be on my pages in the first place. I can't stop them from looking and developing the fantasies in their minds, but I can stop posting the photos that give them the absurd, grandiose ideas they have. That is the choice I've made, and it is to preserve my own sanity. Not because I "care what people think". I want people to connect with my writing, with the vastness of my mind, and if that isn't why they're following me - I will gladly watch the number of followers dwindle down to the handful of people who actually care what I think.


Friday, July 25, 2014

Poetry Readings : "Exoskeleton Man" and "Fluttering Sparrow Heart"


I don't normally like revealing the meaning behind my poems, but this was written about two of my own characters, who reside in an unwritten story. I wrote it from the point of view of a young girl who falls in love with her rugged, older protector as they traverse the wilderness. She battles between her love of him, and her disgust at both his rejection and hatred of himself. This ends when he leaves her behind to avoid breaking a promise to her deceased father. A promise that he would not taint her purity. This poem is from my poetry book "Fragments From Nowhere", which will soon be available as a Motion Book on DeviantART for public viewing. Music in this video is by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)


I wrote this poem from the point of view of a sparrow, but it was also intended as an abstract metaphor about conformity. This poem is from my poetry book "Fragments From Nowhere", which will also soon be available as a Motion Book on DeviantART for public viewing. Music in the video is by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com).

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Closing Chapters

Recent events concerning communication with people online have made me reflect further on a topic I delved into last year. I made this video last Summer, when I was battling a lot of conflicting emotions concerning the apathy and disinterest of people online when it comes to meaningful connections. I've since vastly changed, even from this video - but I decided to finally share it, as I feel like it was the first time I was able to move on from the sorrow this caused me in the past, and also take responsibility for the fact that I was most often setting myself up for disappointment. I wrote a massive amount of text on how people no longer wish to connect anymore, then a large text about how most friendships aren't meant to last. Both of those are no longer online, as I feel they weren't terribly accurate to what I feel at this point.. I've since reflected on my personality type, and on the fact that loving people online is usually a waste of emotion, as it very rarely ever produces anything meaningful. It is often an "excuse to get hurt", if you will. I'll provide the links to those posts, if you're interested in reading more about this :

Personality Type

Love's an excuse to get hurt

Closing Chapters from Taylor on Vimeo.